When you move a loved one with dementia into your home to care for them, it's important to talk through the implications with everyone involved. Actress Yvette Nicole Brown was single and living alone when she moved her father from Ohio to her home in California, but in many cases, there may be partners, children, or other family members in the home already. “Will the arrangement work with your job? Your partner's job? Your kids’ needs and schedules?” says Elizabeth Edgerly, senior director of community programs and services for the Alzheimer's Association. “Most people have a busy life and family and career obligations, so consider whether you need to arrange for extra help in the house. It's hard to be a superhero.”
No matter how much it may be needed, a move can be very upsetting and confusing for the person with dementia. Experts share tips to make the transition easier.
Allow for time to adjust.
If possible, move your loved one in during a period when you can be present with fewer interruptions. “Moving mom in over the weekend and going back to work on Monday isn't the best way to set the situation up for success,” says Gregg Day, MD, associate professor and director of the division of behavioral neurology at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, FL. “Plan to make the move when you can be home for a longer period of time until they adjust.”
Expect the patient to need support in navigating their new home.
“They will need reminders about where the restroom is, where their bedroom is,” Dr. Day says. “You may have to walk them through the home multiple times before they become familiar with their new setting.”
Bring in familiar objects.
This could include a quilt, a piece of art, or a favorite chair where they watch television. “If you ever watched the show ‘Frasier,’ Frasier and his father Martin were always fighting about Martin's chair in Frasier's apartment. That was an anchor point for [Martin]—a piece of familiarity in an otherwise unfamiliar situation,” Dr. Day notes.
Establish a consistent schedule with concessions for their existing routine.
“If Dad is accustomed to eating breakfast at 6:30 a.m., it may be important to not shift him too far off of that schedule, or else you might see consequences in sleep and further disruptions that can increase memory challenges,” Dr. Day says.
Leave regular reminders to orient them to who and where they are.
In an episode of her caregiving podcast, “Squeezed,” Brown speaks with Jessica, who at 26 unexpectedly became the caregiver for her mother, Connie, known as “CG,” a former hair salon owner with early-onset Alzheimer's disease. Brown and Jessica bond over the multicolored notecards they both used for such reminders. “When I was traveling for work, I'd leave cards that said, ‘Jessica is back in Texas, this is your home, you're safe. Here is your dinner, please heat it up in the microwave for X number of minutes and sit down in front of your TV tray,” Jessica says in the show.
“Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good,” Brown says. “Sometimes when we move our loved one in, we feel like it has to be this pristine space with an adjustable bed and all of these fancy things. If there are medical needs, of course you have to make sure that your house is equipped for those. But if the person is able-bodied, a regular bed is just fine. You make a nice space for them to lay their head, give them a television and books and meals, keep them entertained, and make them feel safe. That's it. They are going to be fine, and you are going to be fine.”
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