I had already been diagnosed with Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. I remember the doctors explaining that my nerves were like damaged, fraying wires and walking would get harder. One day, they said, I might not be able to walk at all. What they didn’t mention is that maybe I should be careful about how much I ate. My increasing immobility would make it easy to put on weight and almost impossible to lose.

Since they didn’t mention it and I didn’t figure it out, I had slowly eaten myself into obesity within a year.

Diet Days

So I did what most people do when they want to lose weight: I dieted. First, I tried veganism then I started counting calories obsessively. The diets worked—for a little while. I lost 10 pounds within the first eight weeks. But as the weight loss slowed, I got stricter. I even tried a weeklong juice cleanse but I didn’t last more than two days.

I eventually dropped the fad diets. They made me too cranky and exhausted. Instead, I cut portion sizes and counted calories. I also became obsessed with food.

Deeper Understanding of Nutrition

By the time I was a junior in college, I had been dieting consistently for five years and still didn’t know anything about healthy eating. To find out, I changed my major from biology to nutritional science and learned how to craft an eating plan tailored to my nutritional needs and tastes. Now I eat lots of leafy greens, fruits, seeds, legumes, fish high in omega 3’s, and the occasional burrito or spring roll.

Knowing My Limits

I also admitted my weaknesses—I cannot have potato chips in the house or I will eat the entire bag—and adjusted my environment accordingly. When I veered off from my plan, either accidentally or deliberately, I learned to be kind to myself. Instead of telling myself I was a failure, I learned to say, I know you’ve had a hard day. It’s okay. I still love you.

It took six years of consistent work, but I lost 50 pounds. It was six years of being more mindful of my choices, and consistently making healthier ones—whether that meant ordering the soup and salad instead of the grilled cheese sandwich, or going on a walk instead of spending another hour watching YouTube videos.  It was one of the toughest things I’ve achieved—and it was worth it.

Maintenance Plan

Maintaining my weight loss has had its own challenges. I now know that I can’t be trusted to snack, that I love big, vibrantly colored meals, that I thrive on routine, and that my body feels best when I eat lots of leafy greens and fish and less dairy and added sugar.

Along the way, my attitude toward weight has shifted. I no longer sacrifice my health and proper nutrition just to get down to a certain number. And I have become even more concerned about something else: preserving and gaining muscle.

I make sure to eat about 60 grams of protein per day, depending on the amount I exercise. I prefer to get it through the food, but I keep protein powder in my kitchen cabinet just in case I need a little boost.

Staying Positive

Trying to lose or maintain weight while also dealing with a chronic, progressive neurologic condition can be exhausting. So I try to make it positive. I cook meals that look beautiful and taste good and I’m excited to eat. I remind myself that there are a lot of things about my body I can’t control, but I can control how I fuel it and the exercise I choose to do. I remind myself of how far I’ve come, and to measure my success in how I feel and how my body functions rather than by a number on a scale. I say, I am so proud of you. Keep up the great work.

Bethany Meloche is the author of How Should a Body Be?, a coming-of-age story about growing up in Michigan, falling in love, and learning to live with Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease. Her story has been featured in the Daily Cal, The Mercury News, Mountain View Voice, and Lower Extremity Review.