Some people dread retirement. Others long for it. My husband and I both maintained dreams about retirement: in his, he lived in a waterfront community spending hours fishing, boating, and enjoying cooling gulf breezes. In mine, I sat at my desk and wrote.
He retired before me so his dream came true first. We live by the water and he fishes and boats. As I continued to dream and count the years, months, and finally days until I could apply for Social Security, I began experiencing neck spasms and difficulty moving my neck. I saw multiple specialists who performed numerous tests and recommended several therapeutic and pharmaceutical remedies, none of which relieved my symptoms or produced a diagnosis.
Then in June 2015, I was at the office of a neuroscience specialist when her physician assistant recognized my symptoms as spasmodic torticollis, also known as cervical dystonia, a painful condition in which the neck muscles contract involuntarily, causing the head to twist or turn to one side.
There is neither a cure nor an exact cause for cervical dystonia, but I believe my years as a transcriptionist aggravated my condition. In fact, before I stopped working I clung to the hope that retiring would alleviate my symptoms. Unfortunately, that was not the case. My symptoms continued to worsen. And no amount of treatment—not quarterly botulinum toxin injections, muscle relaxants, pain medications, cervical injections, acupuncture, strengthening exercises, or physical therapy—improved them.
I despaired that dystonia would destroy my dream of becoming a writer. I could barely hold up my head and the constant neck spasms were a painful distraction. I fell into a funk.
In the last few years, though, thanks to encouragement, direction, and support from a dear friend of 50 years, I started a blog and became a regular contributor for an online publication about home health care aides.
Over time, I've realized that my accomplishments as a writer far outweigh the pain and discomfort of my dystonia. Even more important, I've come to accept my condition. I'm learning to use my creative gifts to strengthen my resolve and keep me motivated. I wonder if my new attitude is the reason I'm seeing a mild improvement in symptoms during a second round of physical therapy.
My prayers, of course, continue to be for a cure in the very near future. But having waited a lifetime to achieve success in pursuit of my passion, I won't allow this physical obstacle to stand in my way. That is my new mantra!
Nancy Hallo, a wife, mother, and grandmother, is now also a retiree and writer. After 20 plus years as a medical and legal transcriptionist and editor, she blogs at http://nancysparadise.blogspot.com/ and contributes to an online home health aide publication.