I’ve been caring for my mother who has dementia for more than four years now. As every caregiver knows, the job can be stressful and exhausting. Over time, I’ve discovered that journaling provides relief and perspective. It allows me to record sad events or shout good news—all quietly on paper.

Morning is the best time for me. It helps me warm up for the day. By detailing activities or noting my mother’s changes, I feel comforted. It also helps me plan. When my writing is stalled, I’ll try an exercise I learned at a writing workshop. I’ll focus on a theme like 'the road not taken' and imagine different scenarios. Or I’ll think of 10 spiritual stepping stones or sources of meaning. By concentrating on one experience in-depth, my writing starts to flow again.

Color My World

Or I might think of myself as a color. Would I be black, orange, yellow, or blue? Sometimes when I feel sad, I use color as a muse. I may feel as jumpy as a red ball and write about that color and that feeling. Thinking about color helps me define my mood in a more emotionally specific way.

Now that my mother can no longer speak, I imagine her thoughts and create a dialogue between us. What are her non-verbal clues? What is she trying to say? Perhaps she’s expressing frustration that she can’t be understood. My mother was a teacher and political activist who loved public speaking. She was articulate and dynamic. I mourn the loss of that woman and cling tightly to my memories of the person she once was.

Healing Exercise

I like thinking on paper. I look back over my entries about my mother’s life when she transitioned into an assisted living facility and now a nursing home. I re-read my notes to assess my decisions about her life when she could no longer make them for herself.

Sometimes I embellish my entries with hand-designed graphics, computer art, poetry, or quotes. A favorite saying is “For true serenity, resign as master of the universe,” an insight that keeps me going when I feel frazzled.

I find satisfaction, insight, and healing in exploring my inner life. And when my mother is no longer here, I’ll have a record of our time together—the frustrations and trials, but also the joy.

Constance H. Gemson is a social worker in New York City. She creates and conducts workshops, including one on journaling, at the Hospital for Special Surgery. She has led seminars at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, New York Presbyterian Hospital, and Lenox Hill Neighborhood House.

Learn more

Read more about journaling, including how to get started.