Holidays can be stressful even in the best of times. Here's how to make it work for a family member or friend already grappling with a neurologic condition.
- Keep your loved one involved. As much as you can, encourage the person with the neurologic condition to participate in activities. “My mom would want to help me in the kitchen for our Christmas celebration, so I had her smash candy canes in a plastic bag, then sprinkle them on top of a chocolate cheesecake,” says Jennifer Fink of Auburn, CA, whose mother, Diane, had dementia. “It was a way to keep her involved for as long as we could.”
- Take time for yourself. If you are the primary caregiver for your loved one, accept any offers of help from visiting family members and use the time to take a self-care break, advises Kevin Sandmire, MD, a Green Bay, WI, resident who helped care for his father, who had Parkinson's disease.
- Keep things simple. The first year Fink's mother lived in a memory care facility, Fink decided to take her to her Rotary Club's annual Christmas meeting and then to view Christmas trees in their city's park. But it was too much. “She just checked out and didn't respond to any of it, which made me feel so sad,” Fink recalls. “She would have loved it a few years earlier, but it was too much stimulation for her.” During her mother's last year of life, Fink opted for a mother-daughter holiday lunch at the memory care facility. “I kept it simple with low expectations since she didn't even realize that it was Christmas,” Fink says. “We both had a great time.”
- Create a quiet space. While some people with neurologic conditions can handle the noise and bustle of a holiday party, not all can. Marwan Sabbagh, MD, FAAN, a behavioral neurologist at Barrow Neurological Institute in Phoenix, recommends having a safe, quiet space where your loved one can spend the gathering. Encourage other family members to take turns visiting them.
“The Christmas holiday was a lot for my father since our gathering always had about 25 people, including 15 grandchildren,” Dr. Sandmire says. At the end of his life, Dr. Sandmire's father stayed in a separate room, in a hospital bed, where family and friends could quietly speak to him.
Resources
- Administration for Community Living
- Caregiver Action Network
- Eldercare Locator
- Family Caregiver Alliance
- National Council on Aging
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